THREE MUST DO’S IN ORDER TO GET OVER A BREAK UP:
When my sister’s and I were in high school, we had a really cool pair of white boots. They were pretty expensive so we all went in on buying them. We LOVED those darn boots! Our boots were worn so often, we wore the soles right out of them. Our parents had the bottoms repaired over and over again. But, like all things, they got too worn to repair and one of us must have tossed them. But now, a few years later (lol…ok, ok, a few decades later) I still kind of miss those boots. I really wished I still had them, they rocked!
If it is this hard to lose a pair of boots, how much harder it must be to lose a person! Especially if we had hopes that this time the relationship was for keeps. So how do you deal with the pain of a break up like this? It isn’t easy.
Step 1:
One of the ways I start the healing process is to stay in a state of gratitude. When a relationship ends, it can get ugly. Things can be said that are hurtful. Separating items can get difficult and you may not get back things you had wanted or expected. Feelings are hurt, expectations are crushed, and then the sickening feeling of loneliness starts to creep in. It is just awful!
BUT… If you can at least once a day pray or meditate focusing on all the ways you are thankful for that person and the experiences you had during the relationship it can start to turn your perspective a little. Each day a little bit more. It is an amazing transformation that occurs.
Don’t get me wrong, there will still be days and sometimes several times a day that you will be upset, it is of course a grieving process. You will go through all the stages of grief; shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope.
These emotions will still come up and they don’t go in order. Just because you’ve been through one doesn’t mean you won’t go through it again, and again, and maybe even again. The longer the relationship was the longer the grieving process will last.
If you take a moment each day to think of all the things you are grateful for, it will shorten the times you go through these other less than pleasant emotions.
Step 2:
After you have spent some time meditating on the things you are grateful for, start to think of the lessons this person taught you. Perhaps not overtly, but you learned something. Something about you, something about them, something about love, and/or something about relationships.
Have you ever noticed we date the same kind of people and make the same kind of mistakes in relationships? This could be because we don’t spend time learning lessons from our past relationships and we have to go through similar situations over and over until we do learn the lessons we should have learned.
Step 3:
Once you have explored your gratitude for the person and the relationship and meditated over the lessons you learned from the person and from the relationship, start to think of the experience and the person as a transitional gift. They weren’t the keeper you thought they would be, but they were a gift.
A gift in the form of the lessons learned and the experiences you had. This is a much better perspective to have than a victim of loss and a perpetual mourning and longing for something that just can’t be anymore.
People come in our lives and they are special gifts to us. If we can be thankful for them, learn from them, and keep them in our hearts and minds as the transitional gift they were, we can then move on in a more healthy and loving way.